Trades

So, I'm a big fan of trades. Well, a big fan of trades with regards to asking for things. See when people do something for me or give me something for nothing, it just doesn't feel right.

Now sometimes I don't have much of a choice in it. Someone does something nice as a surprise and I can't very well at that point offer something in return. I just have to accept the gift and move on. But when I want to ask for something I set up the trade scenario from square one.

It's simple really. If I want a friend to bake me some cookies I do my best to offer something in return. Maybe I bake them a cake in return or take them out for dinner or give them a massage.

Catch is, I do my best to not have this set up when I'm the one giving. If I do something random for someone I'm not worried about the trade scenario. I'm perfectly ok with giving and not receiving. I'm not so ok with receiving and not giving.

I wonder why this is or what it says about me.

I think part of it is I like my relationships to be slighted. I like to give a little more than I recive. I wonder if this is a giving nature or if it has to do with how this slight misbalance makes the relationship feel.

It's a tough balance to strike though because you only want it to be the tiniest slight. If the difference becomes to big you feel used. But if it's just a little it feels just right for me. I feel loved and my hope is that because the flow is slightly in the other direction it helps the other person to feel loved as well.

I'm not sure if it always works this way. I think some of my relationships may be slighted the other way but I keep trying to shift them or at least try to balance them out.

It can get funny. I pay for a meal. A friend feels obligated to do the same at a later date. And we exchange back and forth, the friend trying to balance things out and me trying to keep it a little slighted.

Whether it's good or bad *shrugs*

I won't be promiseing postings any more. They will come as the insperation does. I have a bunch of stuff in drafts but haven't finished them as of yet so hopefully something soon.