The Traveler

I stood on the edge
Eyes locked with destiny.
The world stopped spinning
For a moment.
A thousand miles away
I land in a strange new world.
The land has given rise
To pauper and prince.
Yet some stand apart,
Alone in a journey
taking them beyond.

A mountaintop of smoke...
Driven to the edge once more.
No stop to save us, no savior.
We leap, crashing on rocks
Cold and hard. And yet,
As our energies dissipate into the abyss;
We see a glimpse,
What could have been..
Had we not...
At that moment
Given up hope,
Swallowed dreams,
Allowed the earth,
To swallow us whole.

Music

Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. As a kid, music painted a religious landscape. Church was a space of sound and singing, a way to form community and worship. I learned to play piano, a skill I let fade as an adult. As I got older religion faded but music continued to be a refuge. "Songs of punk and songs of joy/Love songs about girls and boys/Songs of metal and English stuff/And some hardcore songs to make us feel tough" Sad, angry, anxious; there's a song to feed or fight that. Music became a way to express myself, to form friendships, find community, explore myself. There was always something playing, in the car, at work, at home. My tastes ranged all over the place and I was the person my friends came to for new music.

Age and working the music industry changed my relation to music. I still love it, I still feel the emotional aspect but it's not constantly on, hundreds of shows a year means I get an intense and visceral dose of music on a regular basis. I'm not as well versed in new music, new sounds aren't something I seek out anymore. But I found the joy of house music in a dimly lit club. Smart bar is a space beyond description in some ways, it's full of folks from all walks of life. There's 35 years of history in the building. Hell I saw Frankie Knuckles last show there before I even knew what house was. Spoiled beyond belief to call that space home and to call so many talented artists friends. Music returned to a feeling of community, but now it wasn't just with the crowd. It's a feeling of family and love with regulars, it's DJs that become friends you grab a beer after work with or a meal on a random Tuesday. I found the joy of being surrounded by queer artists, teachers, blue collar guys, all sharing a dance floor, dance became a way to let go of the worries of the world. Though I still dance for shit, I can dance now, I can let go and be one with the music and energy of the space.

I noticed another change in music, one I attribute mostly to age. Particular songs call up moments from my life or being a vivid experience of a person to bear on me. It's more than nostalgia, nostalgia is why I can still crank a Casualties record or Agnostic Front... this is something more. Often they're artists or songs that aren't usually my thing, Drake, Dierks Bentley, Wiz Khalifa. Sometimes they're artists I like but don't listen to often, Corinne Bailey Rae, Lennin, Rusko. When I'm lucky they hold this and nostalgia, Blink-182, Alkaline Trio, Lower Class Brats. These artists or particular songs let me have a feeling of someone I love being there with me, even when time and distance have passed. They let me remember moments I've loved with a sense of being there normal reminiscing doesn't contain. Music has become something more than joy and sound, it has become this thing that emblazons seminal moments on my soul, bringing me to a place nothing else seems to have the power to.

I am...

I have been the tops of mountains

peering at the world through the cumulonimbus haze

I have been rushing rivers

dragging all manner of things

down my course

I have been the tree in the field

sentinel witness to the beauty of solitude

I have been the wisp of smoke

last reminants of energy released to the winds

I have been the pebbles on the beach

standing in the laugher and joys

I have been the calm face

of the lover that holds you while you cry

the twisted limbs

of the bodies you broke

to build your cities

and when your cities crumble

when your last tear dries upon this soil

I will be here to remember

the legacy of your ancestors

is safe, in my outstretched arms

March of the Wallflowers

Pain is fleeting and fickle

It’s the buzz, the dirge

Of anxious energy

Following anticipation

Choking smoke of what if, it could

Here and now fade

To a cacophony of past and future

We live a world of smoke and mirrors

Afraid of who we are under the masks

The great dramatic performance

Our lives curtain call isn’t so pretty

No whoosh and bow

A somber march to the grave

In silence, unable to reach one another

For there is no I with which to reach

Bounce from pleasure to pleasure

Hide from the depths

I am the monster

That goes bump in the night

Not for violence or fear

I am the monster that tears away the mask

That places the mirror

The siren cry of self-discovery

And like all monsters

Where I rest is cold and damp

Echoes of the horrors I’ve caused

My eternal companions

Sleep now beautiful

In the morning

The monster disappears

Replaced by a mannequin man

Who’s much more palatable

Satiated Soul

Your words, are ashes
In the mouth of a generation,
Of child soldiers

Mud cakes, of platitudes
Filling
Your soulless eyes.

Another cattle car
Your Facebook click,
Can't stop.

Drown your sorrow.
Wake up; repeat it.
For the next generation,
Will inherit your ashes

Saving silence

We rose as kudzu
Our of the irradiated soil
Thriving off the acid rains
We were never meant to survive
Sheared, undone, by the master's scythe
Hydra vines, each cut suffocating his unknowing blade
A toxic landscape, a voice
Forged of silence, tones of freedom
Echo in our hearts

Hidden dancers

Our shadows danced
As our bodies could not
Deep ancestral drum beats
Of the soul
Twirls of hope; leaping against the wall
Blended and blurring ecstatic pirouettes
The rhythm of a time before words
The universal word of the body
Shadows melting together; spilling love
Into our mouths
Waterfalls bathing spirits
In cool repose
We soak our bodies in each other
Melding our flesh...Our souls
In the ether
We move and shake
The earth herself trembled
White super nova
In that moment
We are one
We are nothing