Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. As a kid, music painted a religious landscape. Church was a space of sound and singing, a way to form community and worship. I learned to play piano, a skill I let fade as an adult. As I got older religion faded but music continued to be a refuge. "Songs of punk and songs of joy/Love songs about girls and boys/Songs of metal and English stuff/And some hardcore songs to make us feel tough" Sad, angry, anxious; there's a song to feed or fight that. Music became a way to express myself, to form friendships, find community, explore myself. There was always something playing, in the car, at work, at home. My tastes ranged all over the place and I was the person my friends came to for new music.
Age and working the music industry changed my relation to music. I still love it, I still feel the emotional aspect but it's not constantly on, hundreds of shows a year means I get an intense and visceral dose of music on a regular basis. I'm not as well versed in new music, new sounds aren't something I seek out anymore. But I found the joy of house music in a dimly lit club. Smart bar is a space beyond description in some ways, it's full of folks from all walks of life. There's 35 years of history in the building. Hell I saw Frankie Knuckles last show there before I even knew what house was. Spoiled beyond belief to call that space home and to call so many talented artists friends. Music returned to a feeling of community, but now it wasn't just with the crowd. It's a feeling of family and love with regulars, it's DJs that become friends you grab a beer after work with or a meal on a random Tuesday. I found the joy of being surrounded by queer artists, teachers, blue collar guys, all sharing a dance floor, dance became a way to let go of the worries of the world. Though I still dance for shit, I can dance now, I can let go and be one with the music and energy of the space.
I noticed another change in music, one I attribute mostly to age. Particular songs call up moments from my life or being a vivid experience of a person to bear on me. It's more than nostalgia, nostalgia is why I can still crank a Casualties record or Agnostic Front... this is something more. Often they're artists or songs that aren't usually my thing, Drake, Dierks Bentley, Wiz Khalifa. Sometimes they're artists I like but don't listen to often, Corinne Bailey Rae, Lennin, Rusko. When I'm lucky they hold this and nostalgia, Blink-182, Alkaline Trio, Lower Class Brats. These artists or particular songs let me have a feeling of someone I love being there with me, even when time and distance have passed. They let me remember moments I've loved with a sense of being there normal reminiscing doesn't contain. Music has become something more than joy and sound, it has become this thing that emblazons seminal moments on my soul, bringing me to a place nothing else seems to have the power to.
