So my last post touched on
friendship but I wanted to make a short post addressing a tangent of that… The
Man Hug.
I was
watching a documentary earlier in the week call South of The Border. Now I’ll
spare you all the geopolitical lessons and thoughts the movie brought up for me
and pick something really tiny the movie itself doesn’t touch on. Central and
South America are known for having a culture we label as machismo. That “man’s
man” sort of masculinity. While on a whole this may or may not be true
something struck me. South America politicians hug! I wish I could remember who
is was hugging but there’s a clip in the movie of Hugo Chavez hugging another
South America head of state. I can’t imagine politicians in the United States
hugging like that. I know, I’ve hugged politicians and watched how
uncomfortable the situation makes them. But here’s a man that is the leader of Venezuela, a man that many would credit
with the movement in South America to socialism and he’s hugging in front of documentary
and international news cameras. Granted Chavez is a unique guy but still.
So it
got me to thinking. I wasn’t a hugger for a long time but as I’ve gotten older
I’ve become one. I’ll hug people I count as friends as long as they seem
comfortable and people that I’m really close to get hugs (fuck em if it makes
them uncomfortable I’m hugging). This led me to think about an observation a
friend who grew up in Mexico made; men in Mexico and men in the United States
hug differently. In America (he’d remind me here America is a continent the
United States is a country) men don’t really hug, we turn so our shoulders
touch not our chests; we pat each other on the back (pat not hug, your hand
better not rest too long) and we separate quickly. This isn’t the case in
Mexico. The handshake moves to a hug and that hug is important. “Heart to heart”
is the explanation I was given. You hug so the left sides of your chest (where
your heart resides) touch. There’s still the back pat but it’s a full embrace
first. This tends to end with another handshake at the end, not the quick separation
of the man hug. There’s such beauty in the symbolism of the hug of Mexico.
Showing the connection between two people by embracing “heart to heart”,
highlighting the closeness with a real embrace. Shaking hands before and after
displaying such a level of comfort and connection. I can’t speak for everyone,
but for me, Mexico clearly has a better handle on male relationships that the
US does.
Now I understand that I’m talking about this as a cis male
and through a particular cultural lens. Don’t take my language to mean that I’m
not aware of this; it’s just easier and more understandable for most if I leave
them as separate talking points. That aside, I encourage all of you to become
huggers too. Think about not just whether you hug people but how you hug them.
I’d advocate we all adopt a Mexican style of hugging. I’d also advocate you
think about what you convey in your hug. Those of you that have spent time with
me, think about the last time we hugged and how it made you feel. Think about
the difference between how we hug to say hello and how we hug to comfort one
another. And at the end of the day, get rid of the “bro” hug. If you’re too
scared to show affection to your friends, then that’s a sad thing for you. I
for one will hug anyone that wants one and a handful of you have no choice in
the matter.
