Light the world on fire!

My work in the political arena these last few months started tugging at some pretty old threads for me and over the last few weeks I think that thread is finally fleshed out.

See, the work I've done in life has always been in a service industry setting. But, I think too often the focus is on industry and not service. Granted this makes sense in things like retail. I've been blessed to work both direct care and management positions in industries that work with people with disabilities.

Often when I talk about my past work I talk about the not so positive things I did and not the positives. Admittedly all those things still stand. However, I have tried to remember service as an ethos. In school busing I can say I kept my integrity and was always honest with my employees and customers alike. I didn't have company employees  I had "my drivers" I knew everyone by name and really miss them some days. They didn't drive packages of salt they drove "our kids" and we were acutely aware that every child that got on a vehicle was someone's most precious and wonderful baby. Granted we were also a business and we made decent money but it felt secondary most of the time.

Camp is a lot easier to highlight the service on. This is because I worked directly with the kids. It's hard not to take a service perspective playing with kids, doing art projects, teaching a kid to swim. Again, these were "our kids". A group of 16 to 20 year olds were handed someone's special baby and they knew that the care their child got was the absolute best. Money doesn't buy that kind of care, we loved those kids, we loved our jobs. Sure, there were regulations to deal with, cleaning to do, and all those sorts of things. But the core of it all was the kids. That kind of work forged friendships and experiences that can't be beat.

But political work expands this idea of service. I wasn't just serving the campaign or a wonderful candidate, we were serving the community. It wasn't just about winning, it was about sending someone to office that would raise up everyone in the community, especially those most at risk. I was blessed to enter politics not via a drive to win or make money but to make a difference. I worked for a campaign that felt more like family, with a candidate that felt closer to a friend than a boss. We bled for our win, most of us working deathly ill through GOTV. And as we held our breath looking at a loss before the early vote numbers turned it into a win, we knew no matter the outcome "we left it all on the field". Let's be fair, we got paid too and no one works for a candidate they agree with 100% of the time (unless you are the candidate and then my hat's off to you).

So that's the connection, service. I've listened to a lot more by Cornel West lately and maybe that's what has me thinking this way too. The truth is being successful isn't enough. Raising myself above where I am or was isn't enough. I think this is why the nice car, good money, etc wasn't enough for me. I want to raise more than myself. That's how the world gets better. If we raise not just ourselves but those around us. If we raise our friends and family we may just raise a community. Raising a community could expand to a city, a township, a county, a state, a country, maybe even the whole world. I don't just want to do well, I want to look around at a world of people doing well. That's it, that's really lighting the world on fire. The flame of hope passed from one person to another has the power to push back all the darkness. So pass that flame to your neighbor and let's set this world aflame.

Another Random Poem

Untitled

Lightning bug lighthouses

Warding the boats of our souls

From the shores of peril

Some boats dark as night

Built of the abyss

Some boats shimmer

Little suns on the cool glass waves

Lost we search

Arrogant we stumble 

Off the edge

Waking to a world lit by those little suns

In the all too rare friend or lover

Bro Hugs

So my last post touched on friendship but I wanted to make a short post addressing a tangent of that… The Man Hug.

                I was watching a documentary earlier in the week call South of The Border. Now I’ll spare you all the geopolitical lessons and thoughts the movie brought up for me and pick something really tiny the movie itself doesn’t touch on. Central and South America are known for having a culture we label as machismo. That “man’s man” sort of masculinity. While on a whole this may or may not be true something struck me. South America politicians hug! I wish I could remember who is was hugging but there’s a clip in the movie of Hugo Chavez hugging another South America head of state. I can’t imagine politicians in the United States hugging like that. I know, I’ve hugged politicians and watched how uncomfortable the situation makes them. But here’s a man that is the leader of Venezuela, a man that many would credit with the movement in South America to socialism and he’s hugging in front of documentary and international news cameras. Granted Chavez is a unique guy but still.

                So it got me to thinking. I wasn’t a hugger for a long time but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become one. I’ll hug people I count as friends as long as they seem comfortable and people that I’m really close to get hugs (fuck em if it makes them uncomfortable I’m hugging). This led me to think about an observation a friend who grew up in Mexico made; men in Mexico and men in the United States hug differently. In America (he’d remind me here America is a continent the United States is a country) men don’t really hug, we turn so our shoulders touch not our chests; we pat each other on the back (pat not hug, your hand better not rest too long) and we separate quickly. This isn’t the case in Mexico. The handshake moves to a hug and that hug is important. “Heart to heart” is the explanation I was given. You hug so the left sides of your chest (where your heart resides) touch. There’s still the back pat but it’s a full embrace first. This tends to end with another handshake at the end, not the quick separation of the man hug. There’s such beauty in the symbolism of the hug of Mexico. Showing the connection between two people by embracing “heart to heart”, highlighting the closeness with a real embrace. Shaking hands before and after displaying such a level of comfort and connection. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, Mexico clearly has a better handle on male relationships that the US does.

Now I understand that I’m talking about this as a cis male and through a particular cultural lens. Don’t take my language to mean that I’m not aware of this; it’s just easier and more understandable for most if I leave them as separate talking points. That aside, I encourage all of you to become huggers too. Think about not just whether you hug people but how you hug them. I’d advocate we all adopt a Mexican style of hugging. I’d also advocate you think about what you convey in your hug. Those of you that have spent time with me, think about the last time we hugged and how it made you feel. Think about the difference between how we hug to say hello and how we hug to comfort one another. And at the end of the day, get rid of the “bro” hug. If you’re too scared to show affection to your friends, then that’s a sad thing for you. I for one will hug anyone that wants one and a handful of you have no choice in the matter.

Rules To Live By

1. Act always from a space of compassion
2. Find a partner to share life with and be a safe haven and support beam for that person
3. Find the amazing friends in my world, cultivate and care for those friendships
4. Learn something every day, teach your passions

That's it. That's what life has narrowed down to for me. And honestly I'd be ecstatic to hit any of them. I've had a lot of conversations with people recently about what I'm like as a person, as a friend, as a partner. It's interesting to get the outside observations. It's especially interesting to hear feedback from people about how I can change from one environment to another.

Act Always From a Space of Compassion
I started on this path listening to things like the Dali Lama's conversations from The Mind and Its Potential Conference and Karen Armstrong's Charter For Compassion talk. Compassion is a pretty hard space to create at all. Compassion isn't just about empathy but action. I can feel empathetic all the time but compassion moves one to action. Sometimes these actions are easy. I see someone at a party alone and I go over and talk to them. I see someone I know crying and offer a hug. Sometimes these actions are hard, I'd give examples but honestly I'm still working on growing in this area. I'm not looking to turn myself into a "save the world" type of person. Honestly, I'm not even trying to make a dent. I want to have people find some small solace in their interactions with me. I have what it takes to become the  next Martin Luther King Jr; but I'm hoping I have what it takes to have a beer with him/her and be a space he/she can recharge in to create a more beautiful world for us all. Don't get me wrong, I can effect minor change. I can call out injustice and bigotry, especially important as part of a privileged group as I can do this relatively safely. I can be a safe haven for people in my life that are out struggling both on their personal journey and journeys which may some day change our world.

Find a Partner to Share Life With and Be a Safe Haven and Support Beam for That Person
I've given up on the whole actively seeking a partner thing. It'll happen or it won't. I'm not expecting to stumble into my fairy tale relationship, but I know what I want and if it comes through my life I'll act to seize that opportunity. Until that time, I need to make me the best person I can be. I've done a lot of that over the years. There's this idea that you shouldn't look to enter into a relationship until you've done half the work you need to do on yourself. I spent a long time where I could say that wasn't the case with me. Frankly, while I've done at least half the work I need to I'm still not a finished product. Likely I'll never be finished, human life is about growth and change. But I've come to realize who I am, good and bad, and have cultivated the best in myself while working on the rough spots. I've come to embrace my personal struggle, to have faith and see the beauty in the resilience of the human spirit. I've come to understand that sometimes protecting yourself is denying the rest of the world seeing beautiful parts of you. I still need work, and I'll keep working on me so that when opportunity on this front comes knocking... I'll be ready.

Find Amazing Friends in My World; Cultivate and Care for Those Friendships
So I'm awesome at the first part of that. I can tell fantastic people really fast. Hell, sometimes I can tell them from across the room. I read people fast and incredibly well. And I've found some really awesome people in my world over the last year or two (not to discount my old friends at all). The thing is I'm a shitty friend. Like not so much the whole being a friend thing. You need help moving, no problem. Shoulder to cry on, done. Support, love, fun, whatever you need; I got you. Problem is I'm shit for keeping in touch. Every friend I have that goes out of their way to call, txt, email, write etc I cannot ever express fully how much that means to me. I'm shitty at keeping in touch so those that do that part of friendship for me get a full throttle version of me. I'm loyal honest and caring. Seriously, I may suck for keeping in touch and doing shit on the regular with (unless you just decide we're partying every Friday or Saturday then I know to just show the fuck up) you but in a pinch when your world is falling down around you, I don't panic and I generally know just what to do. Also, loyalty is primary for me in all relationships so once I count you as a friend... it really doesn't matter if you melt down sometimes or have shitty days. It happens we're human, I really don't care and don't judge. Seriously, if I am up at 2am I'll answer for any friend. If you need me I'm there. I just need to get better at sending txts/emails/calls to see how people are doing. Maybe throw a dinner party monthly to get people close enough together on a regular basis.

Learn Something Everyday, Teach Your Passions
I'm a sucker for falling passionately for some new idea or activity. But long term passions are... well... mercurial moods don't exactly lead to consistent anything. However, I love beer and mixed drinks and share my love of that skill set and tastes as often as I can. I love cooking and food, recent conversations with a friend have reminded me how awesome sharing a new dish or cooking with someone can be. This is what makes me think a dinner party or pot luck would be so awesome. A bunch of people cooking and eating together... seriously this is what connections are built on. Plus, trying a new dish especially something outside your normal cuisine is a way to travel via food. Food is a big part of culture and so seeing what and how others eat, seeing what meal time is for them gives you this very human glimpse into their experience. I've got a great passion for information and learning in general. A passion for taking everything apart and discussing and analyzing the hell out of it. I know it drives a fair numbers of you bat shit "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". Yeah, well, most of the time it isn't. Frankly, there is value in taking things apart and having dialogue and discussion. I understand that learning to live on and appreciate the surface is something I need to work on. But I also understand I'm happier underneath it all. I'm glad people are out there that are the opposite of me. People that live mostly on the surface. Because frankly 50 ft under is only beautiful if someone is tending to the surface as well. The world needs both kinds of people in it. I really do tend to learn something new every day whether it's from a person, a talk, a movie, an article, or a book. I probably need to spend some time thinking about what teaching my passions looks like and thinking about how well I'm doing on that end of things as well.

Hope my random posts give you all a smile or a thought!